Category Archives: random

by | June 20, 2008 · 12:26 am

seventeen illegitimate buns in the oven.

Today is all about teen pregnancy! Woooo! First, Jamie Lynn. And by now I’m sure many of you have heard about the 17 Junos at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts. That’s wicked weird! (That was a Massachusetts joke- though I have been known to drop ‘wicked’ every now and then). The craziest part of all is that they WANTED to be preggers! Apparently these baby geniuses made a pact and are excited for their baby showers and to raise their children together.

What ever happened to friendship necklaces?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 10:04 pm

but how much are the fries?

I love meat. I can’t even help it. I am a thrice failed vegetarian. I can blame it on whatever I want (the weather? George Bush, perhaps? Ugh, probably global warming), but the real reason for my failure is burgers. As a first born child I HATE to admit and accept failure. I’ve got to make Mom and Dad proud! But there is no denying this.

First born child complex aside, when I go to fast food places, I usually pay with change found on the floor of the Corolla. But a Burger King in London has a $200 burger. That’s right. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Obviously people are upset because you can feed a million people in Africa for that much.

CBS lists the ingredients as “Premium, prohibitively priced, Japanese-style Wagyu, flame-grilled, garnished with Italian truffles, Spanish cured ham, aged balsamic vinegar, Champagne onions and popped onto a saffron- and truffle-dusted bun.”

Sounds alright, I guess. Or as one friend of mine would eloquently put it, sexual chocolate. (Don’t ask me the exact definition, I’m not entirely sure but I know it works in this situation). My big question is this, is it still greasy? Because if it isn’t, they’ve got huge problems. And also, how much does it cost to make it a “biggie”? (BK’s version of supersizing)

The idea of this burger is an absolute contradiction and my bleeding liberal heart is emo and weeping. Yes, they are donating the proceeds to charity. But wouldn’t it be better if it went straight to the source of the problem?

I’ve always been more of a Wendy’s girl anyway.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 7:12 pm

dead guy over you? that sucks.

So a village in Romania re-elected their dead mayor over a new guy. By a landslide of 23 decisive votes. Really not much to say about that, except that the loser must feel like the friggin’ village idiot.

“I know he died, but I don’t want change,” one astute voter said. You and me both, buddy. People are calling for a re-vote with a new (hopefully conscious and, at the very least, breathing) candidate. Watch out for the hanging chads, people! We all know what happened here in America! For all you political nerds out there, don’t lose track of this race, it’s shaping up to be a good one.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 5:16 pm

the devil is in the details.

This morning, as I watched our country’s most legitimate television news show, The Today Show, Meredith Viera told me about a legal case that puts the McDonald’s hot coffee case of 1994 to shame. Fifty-two-year-old traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria’s Secret over an injury she received FROM HER THONG. Her thong. Apparently, the rhinestone heart attached to Ms. Patterson’s “undergarment,” as her lawyer called it on the show, was attached by two staples. As Ms. Patterson was putting the thong on, one of these staples flew off and hit her in the eye, leaving her in “excruciating pain,” and in need of a dose of topical steroids. (By the way, the case was filed a full year after the incident occurred.)
 
Now, this story is funny enough as it is, but watching Meredith try to make a legitimate interview out of it was pure hilarity. And watching Ms. Patterson’s lawyer, Jason Buccat, trying to maintain some dignity while discussing the case was even better. (The defendant herself also seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face.) One of my favorite lines: When Meredith asked Macrida if this was the first time she’d worn the thong, Macrida replied with something along the lines of, “No, it was the second or third time I’d worn it. I have a lot of underwear from Victoria’s Secret so I don’t need to wear any of them too frequently.” The line that takes the cake, though, was from the mouth of proud lawyer Jason Buccat: “Victoria’s Secret does have its angels, but the devil is in the details.” How long do you think he spent working on that one?
 
I think the real lesson here is that rhinestone hearts do not belong on thongs (or on anything else, for that matter). If you’re rocking that kind of “undergarment,” you’re just asking for a corneal abrasion.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 4:20 pm

kurt vonnegut, so full of wisdom.

KV

I just love this guy:

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”  [Kurt Vonnegut]

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 2:26 pm

dancing with the star wars stars.

Eek. This is not a joke.

It might be slightly painful, but stick it out. If only to hear the ridiculous comments the hosts make. Ex- “I didn’t realize plastic could look that good!” Also, it’s one of the most watched videos online right now.

And by the way, this competition was totally rigged. If I were the other dancers I’d go all Luke Jedi knight and use the force on their asses.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 4:35 am

what ever happened to family legacies?

Angry

May I rant?

Apparently, while Pierogi Zbylut was collecting acceptances to every elite school in the country, said elite schools were busy rejecting the rest of the qualified students out there, those students with names containing less z’s. One of the elementary school friends from the Rockies game has a little sister who’s headed off to college next year, and this girl’s college-rejection story makes me truly furious with the way our country deals with college admission. My friend’s sister — let’s call her Emily — was rejected from Dartmouth. Nothing shocking on its own; I’m among the ranks of prospective Ivy Leaguers who was flat-out rejected from the Big Green. Emily, however, was the the valedictorian of her high school (one of those truly hard high schools that have difficult admissions processes all their own), was a successful two-sport athlete who was being recruited by Dartmouth, was involved in a million activities, AND had a father, sister, and several cousins whose brains were filled with knowledge in Hanover, New Hampshire. Now I understand as much as anyone that the college admissions process is a crapshoot, and that there are a ton of factors that go into it, but SERIOUSLY? If a girl like that isn’t a shoe-in, something’s wrong. Maybe Pierogi can pass his Dartmouth acceptance on to Emily, since he won’t be needing it at Haaahvahd.

For a speech class I took a couple of years ago, I spoke about kids growing up too fast (taking full-time language classes at age four, for instance), and I feel like the college admissions process is just part of the screwed up way we are forcing kids these days to do everything and be perfect. A high school student shouldn’t have to spend all of her free time studying for AP tests, captaining a sports team, working on a student government campaign, volunteering with refugees, and curing cancer just to get into college. Give ’em some time to breathe, America. 

And to the Emily’s of the world: it’s their loss. Anyway, I hear New Hampshire’s like really, really cold.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 3:38 am

nerd alert: accepted to all ivies.

I’ve got one thing to say to this guy: FREAK.

He moved from Poland just 5 years ago. But whatever, kid. You might have gotten into the entire Ivy League and a million other good schools (for sure the University of Richmond, heyyyyy) but this doesn’t change the fact that your name (Lukasz Zbylut) is going to get butchered by every professor you meet- just like the rest of us!

I also suffer from post-college depression and am taking it out on this defenseless, but brilliant, child. Do not judge me.

PS- He chose Harvard.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 18, 2008 · 4:24 pm

bikes, boobs and a hemp g-string.

Oregonian (Oregonite? Oregonese?) woman Jen Moss is pissed because people just don’t understand her need to bicycle around topless and are prohibiting her from riding in the Fourth of July parade. According to the AP, Moss is known for riding her bike “free and independent of all clothing but a hemp G-string”. In fact, she’s known as “The Naked Lady”.

I get the naked part (let the girls get some air), but the hemp G-string sounds questionable at best. You know, back in the day aka 8th grade, I was quite good at making hemp necklaces with cool beads and whatnot. I gave them as gifts to my friends. Maybe now since our tastes have matured, I can make them all hemp G-strings with cute little beads! AHHH! But back to business.

The Ashland Chamber of Commerce is in a battle right now over this. In Moss’ application she said she wants to lead a group of rollerbladers in her hemp booty floss, “blowing a conch shell.” Blowing what wearing what? Errr… Whatev, she sounds like an inspirational leader (those rollerbladers are bound to follow her, along with every creepy man within 50 miles) and America is all about leadership!

Clearly she is a great patriot and loves America. Come on people, it’s the Fourth of July. It’s not like your children haven’t seen boobs before. Let Jen parade!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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