Category Archives: thoughts

want to read some funny quotes?

Good, because I felt like looking up a bunch of Jack Handy and Mitch Hedberg quotes that I love:

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting.” [Jack Handy]

“Sometimes I wave to people I don’t know. It’s very dangerous to wave to someone you don’t know because what if they don’t have a hand? They’ll think you’re cocky. ‘Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I’m gonna go pick something up!'” [Mitch Hedberg] 

      “The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, ‘Oh, you mean this?’ and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?” [Jack Handy, way better than David Blaine]

“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say ‘Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two.’ And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. ‘Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two.’ But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You fuckers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry. That’s a double whammy. ‘Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes.'” [Mitch Hedberg]

Genius.

Also, my officemate and I were just discussing food metaphors that don’t make sense. Like “another bite of the apple,” which, according to her, is very common among lawyer types. Who only takes one bite of an apple? It’s your apple. I don’t care what you do with it; go ahead, take another bite! Then there’s “have your cake and eat it too.” What kind of crazy person wouldn’t eat their own cake? If I have some cake, I’m going to eat that cake, and I am not going to be made to feel guilty about such a thing.

Deep thoughts by Mallory and E. Lee.

[Posted by Mallory]

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was it the cure? hope not!

I’m having one of those days. Not one of those days where everything is going terribly wrong, but one of those days where everything is mediocre: I woke up absurdly late today for no real reason. My ankle is still killing me, even though it is most definitely NOT broken or fractured. (I saw the x-rays, so I know that there’s nothing funky going on inside my foot…it’s just skinny little intact bones surrounded by swollen cankle flesh.) I don’t like what I’m wearing, and my shirt smells weird. My boots squeak when I walk. Everything I’ve eaten today has been boring. I have a test in class tonight, even though my professor has assured us that it’s not a test, just a “writing exercise.”

I sound like Debbie Downer-ish martyr, but I’m not actually that upset. I’m just feeling…blah. Feeling blah is almost worse than actually feeling like crap. When you feel like crap, or like crying, you can justifiably skip class or eat a pint of ice cream or watch dozens of old episodes of Arrested Development instead of writing your paper. But when you’re feeling blah, your conscience won’t let you get away with those things. (“Save the Chubby Hubby for when you really need it,” your conscience says.)

I’m not sure why I’m blogging about this. Kathleen and I certainly didn’t set out to be the kind of bloggers who tell you what they ate for breakfast and post pictures of their cats wearing Christmas sweaters, but I’ve somehow gotten into the habit of posting a lot about my life. In my defense, I don’t like cats, and I’m conveniently allergic to them, but you get the point. As my officemate would say, “Blergh.”

That was a fun litany of first-world problems, huh?! Let’s listen to my new favorite waiting-for-the-bus song and forget that any of this ever happened:

There. I feel better already.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under blogging, music, post-college depression, thoughts

mwhahaha APRIL FOOLS! gotcha good, clowns!

As the smart ones among you may have realized, Six Words is not dying! We would and could never do such a thing! Where would we get our sense of purpose? Where else could we rant about bikini jeans and leggings as pants and the Republican party?

It’s funny how few people catch on to April Fools jokes. I’m one of them, but I thought I was just a gullible person who rarely knows what day it is. Last year, for instance, I totally fell for Gmail’s Time Machine feature, which claimed to allow you to send emails from the past to cover your ass. I found myself debating the ethics of such a tool, and chalked it up to the genius of the amazing nerds at Google who, frankly, are welcome to take over the world.

With our teensy attempt at an April Fools joke, we got a chance to see who REALLY cares about our blog. We got some great reactions to the initial announcement:

Lynn: no more blog?!! sad day – but please don’t grow up and get a little serious!! 

Rachel: WHY???????

Abbey: Why oh why are you stopping your blog??

Some earnest attempts to change our minds:

Karen: why??

me: i know, i knowww

Karen: no entiendo

me: we just haven’t been good at updating it, you know? we think its time to move on

Karen: what if i bought you giant cheetos?

And some relieved, if angry, after-the-fact responses:

Shannon: you got me.

Susannah: GAH! you totally got me. i unsuscribed in google reader and everything. wtf

Daniel: you guys really scared me

Kelsey: you not funny bitch.

In the end, this little gag made us really appreciate our readers. Not to get all Ram Dass on you, but we’re obviously not trying to make a living off of our blog. We’re just trying to write about, well, whatever we want to write about, and if people enjoy a post here and there, that’s great. When even a handful of people really care enough to get upset about “the death of our website,” as one of my friends put it, then Six Words is more than worth it. We’ll keep writing if you keep reading. No more tomfoolery, we promise.

[Posted by Mallory]

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bikini jeans make my soul weep.

These actually render me wordless (which rarely happens), so I’ll just post the pictures.

bikini-jeans1

2_5makethumbWowie.

Wow.

Wow.

PS-  If you want to buy these beauties and just love the idea of a built in sparkly whale’s tail, they’re made by Sanna’s of Brazil and they’re only a hundred bucks!  So sexxxxxxxy.  You’ll for sure be the flyest girl at the club!  Bye bye Banana Republic, hello Sanna’s!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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cigarette tax = healthier kids. any questions?

To all of those whining about the 62 cent raise on the cigarette tax and a whopping 40 cents for the cigar tax, which becomes effective on Wednesday, I have three words for you:  Get over it.

Why so harsh?  Because the money generated from the tax increase will go towards expanding children’s health care, known as the SCHIP bill and signed into law by President Obama in February.  Instead of just seven million uninsured children receiving health care from the government, SCHIP has now been expanded to cover 11 million children.

But, naturally, some people are pissed.  By some people I mean the tobacco companies who don’t give a you-know-what about you or your health and some really addicted smokers.

This gem of a quote came from NPR:

Customer Pat Collier of Zephyrhills, Fla., calls it a punitive tax aimed at smokers. “This is really just like the tea tax in the Revolution.”

Well…no.  Because when our early American heroes, the colonists, were taxed, the money went back to the evil King George.  This time around, Pat, the money will be used to help children.  CHILDREN.  POOR AND INNOCENT CHILDREN.  Think about it.  Good.  Now let’s move on.

Smokers, you know the deal.  The cancer sticks are bad for you, your lungs turn black and all that jazz.  Maybe you are too addicted to quit, but for Pete’s sake (and Pete, by the way, is a 4-year-old with no health insurance and a life threatening illness), don’t let your addiction get in the way of helping a kid out.  You chose to smoke, these kids did not choose to be uninsured.

It is a sad fact of life that prices go up all the time.  The price of milk, the price of a pack of gum, even the price of the wonderful treasures at the 99 cent store.  At least this time, when you pay those extra pennies, you’re doing something good.

SPL31030_003

More inspiration for you to quit smoking...

Or maybe, just maybe, this might encourage you to quit smoking, which, you know, would be AWFUL.  (But, of course, you quitting has nothing to do with why the tobacco companies are so upset.)  So Joe the Smoker and others quit.   Over time, the number of smoking-related illnesses and deaths decrease, which also decreases the amount of state and federal dollars used to care for these people when they are in the hospital.  The taxpayer wins!  Oh, and if you quit, you run less of a risk of gum disease (eww) and you won’t get that hideous smoker’s mouth with all the lines and wrinkles.

Here’s another scenario to convince you that this might just be a good thing:  Raising the tax on cigarettes will give health insurance to 10 million children.  Having insurance will enhance their quality of life.  Healthy kids go to school. (And like School House Rock tells us, “knowledge is power!”)  Healthy kids grow up to be healthy adults.  Healthy adults work.  The American workforce is the engine of our economy. Voila!  The economy thrives!

…And I’d like to thank the Nobel committee for awarding me this most prestigious award in Economics… just kidding because really, it’s not that big of a stretch.

I’m so fortunate that my parents never had to choose between taking me to the doctor or feeding me.  But there are so many children that are not as lucky as I was/am and until we have universal health care, we need to take care of the ones that need our help the most–  the very old and the very young.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, blogging, health, news, politics, random, thoughts

we are breakable girls and boys.

Does it annoy you when I post music videos? Do you watch them? I always wonder that. I post them so often because (a) it’s easy, (b) I love lots and lots of songs and want everyone else to love them too, and (c) I genuinely enjoy learning about new music on other blogs. And I know, it’s not like I’m breaking artists that you’ve never heard of (faaar from it), but I like posting music because I can’t make my own music and sharing what’s already out there makes me happy. Fair?

If I start to get hate mail telling me to stop, I probably won’t, but the hate mail will make me sad. (I guess that’s the good thing about all of your readers being your friends, though…the hate mail is less frequent. And if there is hate mail, at least I know where the haters live.)

So um anyway, here’s another song I’m loving right now:

I’ve surprised myself by actually…almost…maybe kinda liking the fan video. It’s sweet, right? If you ignore the classic fan video literal images technique?

[Posted by Mallory]

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where the wild things are trailer!

Did they seriously make “Where the Wild Things Are” into a movie? (Let me answer my own question: yes, they did.)   Are you okay with this?!  (I’m clearly struggling with it.)  What are your thoughts?  It seems kind of dark and twisty…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under adventures, animals, blogging, definitely not politics, movies, news, pop culture, post-college depression, random, thoughts, YouTube

youtube clip of the day: airplane rap.

This is why I love Southwest!  Okay, is it just me, or would this be even better with the Fresh Prince music playing in the back?

My grandmother is actually the cutest person in the world and LOVES to watch the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Night before she goes to bed.  She’ll inform us that she is watching “The Prince” and then retires to her room.  Haha.  Though recently she’s developed an addiction to Keith and Rachel, which conflicts with “The Prince”.  Such is life.

And now that the Fresh Prince theme song is stuck in your head for the next week, I should just help you out/make it worse:

Happy Tuesday!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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joe the plumber says he’s “horny”.

As much as I hate to contribute to it by writing about it, I’m always interested when Joe the Plumber manages to extend his 15 minutes of fame– even if only for a millisecond.  How on earth does he do it?!  Well this new JTP blip on the media screen is fairly hilarious.  Thank you WashPo’s The Sleuth for the important news!  Joe recently spoke at the Media Research Center’s “DisHonors Awards”.  I know you’re DYING to know what that is; it sounds gripping!  Apparently all the people who hate democracy get in one room to slam the liberal media.  Doesn’t that sound fun?  Umm…boooooooring.  So good old Joe the Plumber/Journalist gets up there to accept some bogus award about really sticking it to the socialists.  Naturally, the neocons are clapping for this pure paradigm.  He eloquently expresses his humble appreciation:

“God, all this love and everything in the room – I’m horny,” declared Joe, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

And cue the chirping crickets.  Rawr?

When you get that special feeling, Joe, you should just go on home, slip into something more comfortable (but really, is there anything more comfortable than the JTP flannel shirt?  I don’t think so!), light some cheap smelling candles, pour yourself a fine glass of boxed wine and run a nice bubbly wubbly bubble bath for yourself.  But for the love of all things holy and sacred, DO NOT tell your sexually oppressed conservative friends how you feel!

I was going to go off on a HUGE multiple-paragraph tangent about the so-called liberal media but I’m going to keep this as short as possible…aka one paragraph.  Guess what, folks?  The liberal media smear is spin concocted to protect the Bush Administration and its followers from the press.  By turning the American people against the press, the news stories– which contained the truth — were seen as biased and became irrelevant.  But reporting on the horrors of war and unveiling the lies of the government is not liberal bias, it’s the job of the press.  Take Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann out of the equation now, please, because they have equal and opposite forces named O’Reilly and Hannity.  We’re talking about the journalists whose names you do not know.  There is an unspoken vow among journalists to bring the truth to the people– a sort of Hippocratic Oath, if you will.  Challenging and questioning a president, Congress, the government, or taking on the rest of the media?  That is their function in society.  If the media were so liberal, we would have had a Democratic president years ago.  Trust me.  I’m appalled that the liberal media excuse and tactic is still being used and people are still buying it.  (McCain lost.  Sarah Palin sucked.  Get over it.  It was their fault.)  Now that Obama is president, the press will do its job to report everything that goes on.  In fact, Obama seems to be losing the media fight when it comes to selling his economic plan, is he not?  Not so liberal afterall…And I’m spent!

Now back to the important stuff.  A most appropriate music video in honor of JTP:

And one last uber-serious thought:  Has Akon ever sang about something other than sexytime?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, sex, the hill, thoughts, Uncategorized, YouTube

one of the greatest observations…ever.

I’ve started to read this blog called NonSociety, which my friend Colleen alerted me to because one of the bloggers went to her high school. I’ve added it to the list of blogs I regularly check, mostly because it’s pretty light and airy in an addictive way, with some serious and wise thrown in. The three girls who started the blog, Julia, Mary, and Meghan, have done REALLY well for themselves, and they’ve earned a lot of haters on the way. (I’ve always, er, hated the word haters, but in the world of blogging and mean comments I really can’t think of a better word.) So another big reason that I read NonSociety is because I believe they deserve some serious good vibes. I get worked up when one rando from Europe insults me in a comment (not that I’m still bitter), so it’s hard for me to imagine dealing with being called things like the number one worst thing about the Internet, as Julia recently was. (And seriously, bitch went to Georgetown and seems really nice. LEAVE HER ALONE HATERS.)

This is all a long-winded way of saying that I found something really great on NonSociety today, which was a quote from and a link to another lovely lady video blogger named Brigitte Dale. Take a look:

“Dancing is about moving the attractive bits of your body in a way that will take attention away from the unattractive bits.”

How much do you love that? And as Brigitte points out in the video, it kind of applies to everything. Think about it.

Speaking of Paul Rudd, you should probably watch all of these.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under blogging, dance, humor, pop culture, thoughts