Good, because I felt like looking up a bunch of Jack Handy and Mitch Hedberg quotes that I love:
“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting.” [Jack Handy]
“Sometimes I wave to people I don’t know. It’s very dangerous to wave to someone you don’t know because what if they don’t have a hand? They’ll think you’re cocky. ‘Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I’m gonna go pick something up!'” [Mitch Hedberg]
“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, ‘Oh, you mean this?’ and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?” [Jack Handy, way better than David Blaine]
“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say ‘Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two.’ And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. ‘Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two.’ But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You fuckers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry. That’s a double whammy. ‘Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes.'” [Mitch Hedberg]
Genius.
Also, my officemate and I were just discussing food metaphors that don’t make sense. Like “another bite of the apple,” which, according to her, is very common among lawyer types. Who only takes one bite of an apple? It’s your apple. I don’t care what you do with it; go ahead, take another bite! Then there’s “have your cake and eat it too.” What kind of crazy person wouldn’t eat their own cake? If I have some cake, I’m going to eat that cake, and I am not going to be made to feel guilty about such a thing.
Deep thoughts by Mallory and E. Lee.
[Posted by Mallory]










one of the greatest observations…ever.
I’ve started to read this blog called NonSociety, which my friend Colleen alerted me to because one of the bloggers went to her high school. I’ve added it to the list of blogs I regularly check, mostly because it’s pretty light and airy in an addictive way, with some serious and wise thrown in. The three girls who started the blog, Julia, Mary, and Meghan, have done REALLY well for themselves, and they’ve earned a lot of haters on the way. (I’ve always, er, hated the word haters, but in the world of blogging and mean comments I really can’t think of a better word.) So another big reason that I read NonSociety is because I believe they deserve some serious good vibes. I get worked up when one rando from Europe insults me in a comment (not that I’m still bitter), so it’s hard for me to imagine dealing with being called things like the number one worst thing about the Internet, as Julia recently was. (And seriously, bitch went to Georgetown and seems really nice. LEAVE HER ALONE HATERS.)
This is all a long-winded way of saying that I found something really great on NonSociety today, which was a quote from and a link to another lovely lady video blogger named Brigitte Dale. Take a look:
How much do you love that? And as Brigitte points out in the video, it kind of applies to everything. Think about it.
Speaking of Paul Rudd, you should probably watch all of these.
[Posted by Mallory]
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