Category Archives: fashion

michele is udderly insane. get it?

Michele Allen was just trying to have a normal Saturday night.  So she ended up in a cow suit, chasing children, peeing on porches and getting arrested  Needless to say, she was schwasted.

(Middletown, OH) — Saturday night, people in the 3100 block of Wilbraham Road called police to report a woman wearing a cow costume was chasing kids, and blocking traffic. Michele Allen also allegedly urinated on the porch of one neighbor.
When officers arrived, they told her to go home. But later that night, they found her again, in the 2400 block of Verity, standing in traffic. This time, officers say, Allen smelled of alcohol and swore at them.
She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
Allen plead guilty, Monday morning, in Middletown Municipal Court, and sentenced to a month in jail.

This is a true story.  Apparently, she showed up to the hearing still in costume.  Haha!

Many questions come up when one thinks about this story.  Oddly enough, the first thing that came to my mind was how did she pee?  From the udders?  Or did she pop a squat and break character?  DC correspondent Chris raised a couple of other good questions.  Was she drunk before she put on the cow costume?  Or did she get drunk and then decide to frolic about in a cow costume?

I question her judgment either way.

Silly Michele.  If you had only waited until Halloween, you probably could have gotten through the night at least without being arrested.  Hell, scaring children in a cow costume while drunk and peeing on buildings that don’t belong to you might even be considered normal–at least on a college campus.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, definitely not politics, fashion, humor, news, pop culture, random

she’s back! and still really naked.

Remember Jennifer Moss?  I wrote about her a few months ago.  She was the lady who just wanted to patriotically parade in Oregon on Independence Day riding a bike, sans clothing?  Ahh, now you remember.  Well, she did have a hemp g-string…so she wasn’t totally nakey.  Sheeeeeeeee’s back!  And this time around, her name is being spelled by the press with a G.  So she’s Gennifer Moss.  No word on how that happened.

Anyway, she had a run in with the PoPo after construction workers–yes, construction workers (PRUDES!)–complained about her affinity for nude in-line skating.  Ummm…hello?  Do these men have mutated genetic codes?  I’m totally baffled.

From the Oregonian:

“We confronted her and told her that she couldn’t expose her genitalia,” said police spokeswoman Cathe Kent. “She complied.”

In other words, she whipped out a string bikini bottom and continued on her only slightly less Lady Godiva-like way.

Haha, that a girl, Gen!

The police said most of the calls they received from people other than the prudish construction workers weren’t complaints about her lack of clothing, but rather her personal safety.  Awww!  There is good in this world.

She now also goes by the nickname, Earth Friend Gen.  And she has her own MySpace channel.  Yes, she is naked in some of the videos, you sick group of perverts.  Watch the videos here.  She also posted pictures of herself…yes, naked as well.  One of the captions says, “I love being naked and free!”  No doubt about that, EFG.

Oh, Gennifer!  She’s totally cra-crazy, but you do have to admire her spirit.  Keeping rockin’ out with your boobs out, lady.  Whether that means riding a bike in a hemp g-string leading a group of skaters while blowing on a conch shell (FACT.  She actually wanted to do that) or letting all hang out while you skate around.  You’re kind of cool.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under fashion, news, pop culture, random, sex, Uncategorized

omfg, gossip girl is back. xoxo.

So I quasi-live blogged the show with the hottest cast EVER, quasi-not.

Quick thoughts:

Croquet, pastels and cocktails.  It’s GG.  And it’s on crack–and by crack I mean the Hamptons.  Thirty seconds in and these crazy kids are already getting it on!  God I missed this show.  Rawr.  WHY WAS I NOT THAT HOT AT 16? Or 17.  Or 18.  Or 19…this is getting depressing.  Whatever.

Oooh Dunkin’ Donuts product placement on Rufus’ tour bus.  My New England trained eye could spot a DD logo anywhere.

Drama with Blair and “Chuck Basstard” about a pin. What is this? 1950? LAME.

Speaking of Chuck.  I think they’ve taken this “I’m Chuck Bass” thing a little too far.  Taking good characters from the first time around and putting them on steroids for all subsequent appearances is a common mistake.  I like to call it the Stifler Syndrome.  In the first American Pie movie, Stifler was absurd yet oddly believable.  And kind of funny.  I mean, he does get peed on.  With each AP movie, (AP 2, American Wedding) he became a caricature of himself and utterly obnoxious.  He is practically the star of American Wedding.  Teevee God (aka script writers and producers) help us.  I WANT OLD CHUCK BACK.

Let’s take a second to acknowledge Serena’s hair at the White Party.  She looked like a goddess, for sure.  But the hair was so over the top.  It looked like golden snakes wound in with the Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves lovechild hair extensions.  Her hair = a hot tranny mess.  Despite having hair of the Medusa persuasion, Blake Lively is stunning and I want to be her. (Blake and Penn–never ever ever ever break up.  Ya’ll are the new Seth and Summer/Adam and Rachel.  Don’t fail us like they did.)

I have a friend who believes Blair Waldorf is his soulmate.  Best of luck to you, friend, because a) she’s not real and b) this bitch is back in full force.  (Is it just me or did she look like she got into a nasty brawl with a spray tan booth?  Ummm Blair it was the White Party, not the Orange and White party.) And dating a British lord who pretended to be an American that went to Princeton so that people liked him for his pretentious, rich American elitist self and not his pretentious, rich British elitist self?  My mind is blown.  First of all, this makes me yearn for the days when Prince William was still a dreamboat (sigh).  But really, GG?  You’re going to give us all false hopes that this tomfoolery actually happens?  And that a British Lord wants me to like him for him and not just his title?  Disney already ruined me.  This might break me.

As Kristen Bell’s voice familiarly closed the episode with “You know you love me.  XOXO, Gossip Girl”, I have to say, I don’t think I did love this Gossip Girl.  The scripts were never good, but this was dreadful.  I love me some bad teevee shows and my expectations are wayyyyyy lower than they should be, but I at least expect the dialogue to be tolerable at best.

But the clothes were amazing.  And I’ll still watch next week.  Mission accomplished.

On another note, I am obsessed with the song played in the opening scene.  It is my new favorite summer/end of summer (wahhhhhhh) song and I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed because one half of the band, Shwayze, is Mischa Barton’s ex-bf.  Remember Cisco Adler?  Yup.  Now he can be known for something other than looking like the younger brother of Weird Al and being the former lovah of the worst character on the OC and a Keds spokeswoman.  Basically this song is the 2008 version of LFO’s “Summer Girls”.  Stop judging me, jerks.

You know you love me.  XOXO,  Kathleen.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, celebrities, crushes, fashion, pop culture, random, sex, TV, Uncategorized, YouTube

hello labor day, goodbye white pants.

Happy Labor Day, ya’ll!  I hope you’re enjoying the three day weekend!  As I was contemplating how I DO NOT have today off, I realized that I had no clue as to the real meaning and history of Labor Day (Wiki that) other than it’s the end of summer (wahhhh) and I can’t wear white until Memorial Day.  Ugh.  This is especially distressing to me because I have a killer pair of white pants that I didn’t get to show off this summer.  Well, I tried to show them off.  What happened to me was very traumatic.  No, I didn’t spill anything on them.  It’s even worse.

I realized that time was running out, so I brought said pants to Denver, for the D amazing NC.  Saving the best for last, I waited until Thursday to wear them.  So I woke up a little late on Thursday and got dressed.  White pants, classy black top.  I felt good.  Like vintage J-Lo.  My mother walks into the hotel room.  She’s wearing white pants and a classy black top.  A wave of panic hit me harder than when the Spice Girls broke up.  It’s okay to admire your mother–it is not okay to dress like your mother.  At least not when you’re 22!  Am I becoming my mother?!  I thought I had more time before the transformation took place!  Haha.  In vain she tried to tell me it would be alright, that nobody would notice.  But I could already feel the judgmental eyes on me as I walked next to her on the street.  I’d even mock me.  I quickly changed into an inferior outfit, and the white pants were thrust back into my suitcase, untouched by the summer sun.

Yup, that’s it.  I have been trying to think of some way to turn my white pants story into an allegory of sorts, but I’m afraid it’s too shallow for that.  There is, perhaps, some message here.  I might have better off if I had just listened to my mother and worn the white pants.  Or more likely, it didn’t matter at all.  🙂  Yes, I just emoticoned.  What of it?

While today is not its official end, I hope that you all had a lovely summer.  It went by so fast, didn’t it?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under family, fashion, humor, pop culture, random

just six words and a picture.

Palin looks lovely in dead animal.

or

PETA: take a look at this!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under animals, fashion, politics, pop culture, random, six word memoirs, Uncategorized

another great overheard in new york.

Here at SWTCTW, we’re obligated to report on everything that delights us in the world of croc-hating. Ergo, I must share with you another great Overheard in New York, courtesy of McKorea:

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can’t tie their own shoes.

Perhaps a little harsh, but remember people: CROCS NOT OKAY UNLESS YOU ARE DOING YARD WORK OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF FOUR.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under fashion, humor

high heeled crocs? my eyes bleed.

At SWTCTW we reserve the right to rant about things have no real relevance other than just being fugly or annoying. So here’s a little rant. And before I start, let me be the first to admit that I own a pair of Crocs. They’re baby blue (I know that doesn’t make it better, perhaps even worse? Haha) and perfect for what I used them for– getting from my dorm room to the hall bathroom or laundry room. They were never a fashion statement. And they shouldn’t be. But what the Crocs company has done now, however, is unforgivable. They have just gone too far this time and I won’t stand for it anymore! Are you ready? Feast your eager eyes on these!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! There are no excuses. How can you possibly justify wearing these? Oh, I need to be comfortable at my best friend’s wedding, so let me just slip on some foam monstrosities with a heel because a heel makes it dressy? Puhlease. Suck it up like the rest of the world. Even the high heels for babies were more attractive than these crimes against humanity. If ever you are given the choice between Crocs high heels or going barefoot, do yourself and everyone else a favor. GO BAREFOOT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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being bad feels pretty good, huh?

We all know that The Breakfast Club is a great movie. I mean that dialogue, those clothes, that touchy-feely message, and the romance? Cinematic genius. Last night I went up to Red Rocks to see the movie as part of their summertime film series, Film on the Rocks. Rather than sitting in a theater, you get to watch movies in a place that looks like this:

Amazing, right? The movie experience is enhanced to begin with based on the setting, and then on top of that, people are generally a lot more vocal during the movie. They cheer at everything, and throw in great comments like “Emiliooooooooooo!” or “What a bitch!” when Molly Ringwald is being annoying. All of this, plus The Breakfast Club’s sheer greatness, made me love the movie even more. And Judd Nelson? HOT. Who knew the Seattle grunge look, bike gloves, and a nose scar could be so attractive?

As Kathleen would say, rawr!

And look how fashion-forward Claire was:

High-waisted skirt? Check. Riding boots? Check. AND she eats sushi.

I’ve been sketching around IMDB to keep my Breakfast Club fix going, and I found this excellent tagline for the film: 

They were five total strangers, with nothing in common, meeting for the first time. A brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel and a recluse. Before the day was over, they broke the rules. Bared their souls. And touched each other in a way they never dreamed possible.

Touched each other in a way they never dreamed possible? Shit, they must have shown the PG version last night.

In other news, I have decided that this is the best line in the whole movie, spoken by Emilio himself:

Yo wastoid, you’re not gonna blaze up in here.

I’m totally incorporating ‘wastoid’ into my daily vocabulary.

Okay let’s watch one quick clip and then we can all get back to work. According to my friend Leah, this is the best scene. I think I’d have to agree:

Bitchin’.

UPDATE: Neo, our soon-to-be Eastern Hemisphere Correspondent, just informed us that there is a terrible, terrible new JCPenney ad with all the key scenes from TBC, only with more racial diversity. Take a look:

For the record, Molly Ringwald would NEVER wear anything from JCPenney.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under crushes, dance, fashion, movies, pop culture, YouTube

a little something for your weekend.

Unfortunately, I won’t be blogging much this weekend. But to get you through, I have compiled a list of links that I most likely would have blogged about or find interesting enough to share, and you’ll have to use your imagination to think of what Mal and/or I would say about them.

This story about siblings torn apart by the Holocaust and being reunited after 66 years made me cry more than watching the video of Christian the Lion. No jokes and nothing snarky to say–there is good in this world.

Here is an interesting piece on Wall-E. The first negative thing I’ve read and it brings up some valid points. Still haven’t seen the movie though. What do you think?

People are over medicated, and our dogs are next. Here is a piece from the NYT Magazine. Since I’m not going to, make all the jokes you want. Make me proud.

There’s going to be a DC version of “The Hills”. I’m pissed, because I wanted to be in it. My idea for a show title was just “The Hill”. Clever, I know. Ha. Shockingly, they went for more party oriented than political party oriented girls…

I love baby names, and I might give someone a candy bar or something to let me name their child. But give up a gas card? HELL NO. Have you seen the price of gas? This story is so wrong on so many levels. I LOVE IT. These people are nutso. Maybe I should do something like this. I bet I could come up with something better than Sunday Rose. Ugh.

And finally, a slideshow of supermodels then and now. Claudia Schiffer is still pretty hot. And girl don’t even get me started on Tyra.

Dunzo. Enjoy. Comment. Have adventures. Miss me. XOXO.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, celebrities, definitely not politics, family, fashion, movies, news, politics, random, the arts, the hill, TV

hey, karen? you are the coolest.

Over winter break this year, a few of my friends and I holed up in our friend Doobie’s house for a wonderful few days of what we now call “Camp Nowhere.” His parents were out of town, so we had the house to ourselves and felt as excited as little kids who are accidentally left without supervision. Among other things, during these few days we all got addicted to the Showtime series Californication. Now I’d never so much as heard of the show, but in one day, we all became so addicted that we watched all twelve episodes in a row. The show has sex, drugs, a lot of snarkiness, and even some rock ‘n’ roll. What more could a girl ask for?

Over the past few days, I’ve been forcing Kelsey to watch the show, and I’m proud to say that now that she’s seen the entire season, she’s hooked. Hands down, the best person in the show is Karen, David Duchovny’s character’s ex-“wife” (they were never actually married). She is my new idol, and I think it’s universally accepted that she’s the coolest person ever. She’s got great hair, great clothes, she’s tall (we tall girls have to stick together, you know), and I’ll even concede that her tattoos are cool. Plus, her sunglasses have sent my friend Katie on a quest to find “Karen sunglasses.” Is that creepy? We don’t care. (Speaking of creepy, the lights in the office I’m working in just went off…dun dun dun…) And Karen is the perfect antidote to all of the horrible girls in the show, like Mia (WHORE) and Dani (also a whore).

Let’s look at how cool Karen is:

What up Ktray

Hi Hank

I want to be you

I WANT TO BE HER. Or at least I’d like to have all of her jackets.

Of course, Karen is a real person, and her name is Natascha McElhone, and she seems just as cool in real life as in the show. But in my stalking of Karen/Natascha, I discovered terrible, terrible news. Turns out, Natascha’s 42-year-old husband, plastic surgeon Martin Kelly, randomly dropped dead of a heart attack about a month ago. And to make it worse, Karen is pregnant with their third child. So, at the risk of sounding like one of those creepy fan blogs (although I suppose it’s too late for that…), send your happiest, most sympathetic rays of thought out to the McElhones. So sad!

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under celebrities, crushes, fashion, RIP, TV