by | August 1, 2008 · 8:40 pm

high heeled crocs? my eyes bleed.

At SWTCTW we reserve the right to rant about things have no real relevance other than just being fugly or annoying. So here’s a little rant. And before I start, let me be the first to admit that I own a pair of Crocs. They’re baby blue (I know that doesn’t make it better, perhaps even worse? Haha) and perfect for what I used them for– getting from my dorm room to the hall bathroom or laundry room. They were never a fashion statement. And they shouldn’t be. But what the Crocs company has done now, however, is unforgivable. They have just gone too far this time and I won’t stand for it anymore! Are you ready? Feast your eager eyes on these!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! There are no excuses. How can you possibly justify wearing these? Oh, I need to be comfortable at my best friend’s wedding, so let me just slip on some foam monstrosities with a heel because a heel makes it dressy? Puhlease. Suck it up like the rest of the world. Even the high heels for babies were more attractive than these crimes against humanity. If ever you are given the choice between Crocs high heels or going barefoot, do yourself and everyone else a favor. GO BAREFOOT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 1, 2008 · 4:46 pm

youtube clip of today: granny fight!

Ladies PUHLEASE get yourselves under control! Oh man, I wish I knew what they were fighting about. Can anybody translate?! Maybe the lady in red stole the lady in blue’s man? Perhaps this was a Zac Efron vs. Joe Jonas debate gone awry? (Zefron, obviously wins. Hands down.)

Whatever, I love an underdog. And the lady in blue seems vicious. I’m on Team Red! But if this is a political fight we’re talking about, I’m on Team Blue. Get it? Because I’m a Democrat?! Okay, sowwwwwwy. Yeah, I’d hate me too. Enjoy.

{Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 1, 2008 · 4:28 pm

some random news stories you’ll like.

Being that this is my first post of the day, I was going to say good morning, but it’s lunch time now. So I hope you had a good morning and a yummy lunch.

  • You’ve probs heard about the Montauk Monster by now (not to be confused with the Montag Monster, which is obviously Heidi from “The Hills”). Honestly, this thing looks like Satan’s deformed lap dog and would totally beat out any Chinese Crested Hairless for the world’s ugliest dog competition. Perhaps it can be entered next year posthumously? Anyway, this creature is quite the beast. I’ve been like the freaking Nancy Drew of the internet stalking this thing. Here’s the best news source I can come up with: an interview with the three girls that found it. First aliens, now this? I’m never leaving my bed again. For reallllls.
  • Surprise, surprise! The jobless rate (“Jobless”, by the way is a nickname a friend of mine gave me. He’s a meanie.) is now up to 5.7% for the month of July–which is a four-year high. But wait…we couldn’t possibly be in any sort of recession, right? Remember what McCain’s buddy said? It’s all in our heads. Now, I don’t have the numbers on this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and make a bold statement. As the unemployment rate rises, so does the number of bloggers. Yeah, I’d put some money on that.
  • OMFG, the grown ups don’t like Gossip Girl. There’s sex, drugs and drinking in it. In high school! GASP. Without going to school for millions of years and having a Ph.D, let me clear this up for anyone that is confused. GG is to teenagers what soap operas is to 50 year old women who have time to watch the teevee all morning and afternoon. People live vicariously through this stuff, and you’re a dumb-dumb if you don’t recognize that. Trust me, not all high schoolers are having good sex. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip girl.
  • Bon Jovi kind of saved Bill Clinton. Oh man, I don’t want to quote Bon Jovi songs and make bad jokes, so I’m going to spare myself the humiliation. Read the story if you care.
  • Watch out Segway, Toyota now has the Winglet. And it looks cooler. Oh man, if you’re in DC look out for the Segway tours. Those people look ridiculous. Hmm…I wonder if Bush can fall off of this too? Most likely. And, because it’s a Toyota, it probably gets better gas mileage. Question, is there enough space to put a tree-hugging, granola eating democratic bumper sticker on it? And does it have an iPod adapter built in?
  • First, people try and deprive the poor of the social services they so desperately need. Now, they’re trying to deprive the less fortunate of a cheeseburger from Mickey D’s. IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?! Read this article and let me know what you think. No, that’s not fast food I smell, it’s racism. Or rather, as blog God Christian Lander (My hero! Sigh) put it so delicately, white people knowing what’s best for poor people.

Okay, that’s all I got…for now. Stay busy at work, fools! I will continue to blog.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 1, 2008 · 4:06 am

i’m afraid that’s really his best.

Instead of, I don’t know, talking about the issues, our friend Johnny McCain has stooped to a new low–and purely out of jealousy. He newest campaign ad compares Barack to Britney and Paris. And John, I know it sucks to not be the most popular kid in school–but the reason Barack is so popular is not because he parties a lot and is famous for no reason other than being rich, or is a talented singer/dancer but a tragic trainwreck (sorry, Britty) that people just can’t stop caring about.

It’s because he’s on to something really special. Something that you, John, can’t deliver. And people want change. One last thing, he was the editor of the Harvard Law Review and used to teach Constitutional law. He’s not dumb. I, in no way, am inferring that Paris and Britney are dumb. And I’m SURE that wasn’t McCain’s intent either. Right?

And this just in! The Hilton family donated the maximum amount possible to McCain’s campaign! Haha OUCH. So they’re probably not happy that he compared Barack to Paris in a negative light… Thanks to Jon Stewart for doing that research for me! Watching Jon Stewart and blogging at the same time is divine. You should try it sometime. I can only hope Jon’s (not the John previously mentioned) wit will rub off on me. Mmm, a girl can dream.

Here is the ridiculously dumb, immature and ineffective campaign ad:

And here is what Saint B had to say about it:

“Given the seriousness of the issues, you’d think we could have a serious debate. But so far, all we’ve been hearing about is Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. I mean, I do have to ask my opponent, is that the best you can come up with? Is that really what this election is about? Is that what is worthy of the American people?”

Well done, Mr. Obama. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Now go kick McCain’s ass.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 31, 2008 · 7:48 pm

youtube clip of today: sobbing fan.

Oh god this video made me cry watching it I was laughing so hard. And I physically have a difficult time producing tears, so that is a ringing endorsement. This guy REALLY loves wrestling. And it’s still real to him, DAMMIT!

Side note, this is for sure a YouTube video, but it comes from ebaumsworld.com. I just was discussing ebaumsworld with a friend about a month ago. Oh man, I miss it (it’s still around, it’s just not as good as the other ones). It was the predecessor to collegehumor.com and YouTube. Amazing. It makes me think of the good old days in high school. Okay, I’m done reminiscing. You are going to LOVE this video.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 30, 2008 · 11:13 pm

the humiliation wasn’t over, jane fonda.

And just to add to KJT’s public internet birthday celebration (read: kind, loving humiliation), let’s honor Hump Day Cry Face with one of Katie’s first:

Bitch can EMT you back to life, then teach you how to do an epic first Cry Face.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 30, 2008 · 6:34 am

ahhh! new harry potter movie trailer!

A SWTCTW public service announcement:

The new Harry Potter movie trailer is up! Watch it right now.

Or, you can watch it on the big screen before Brendan Fraser’s new Mummy movie, which opens on Friday. But why in god’s name would you go pay $12 to see that? I love me some HP, but that is not worth it to me. I would never get those hours of my life back.

And here’s a picture of Harry from the new movie. Still looking good. He gets hotter with each movie.

Amen. That is all.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 30, 2008 · 6:07 am

youtube clip of today: pug bowling.

This is a great pranking your significant other/one-upping their jokes youtube video.  I mean, almost a million people have viewed it.  That’s pretty good payback. The best, by far, is the Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel battle with Matt and Ben. WHY OH WHY DID YOU ALL HAVE TO BREAK UP?! Think about the children! (Like me).

Anyway, while you are watching, just know that no animals were harmed in the making of this. I only have one complaint: it mentions MySpace. And you all know how much I abhor the MySpaces.

By the way, if I see my precious Dr. Seuss in a video similar to this in the slightest, I’m coming after you. You know who you are.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 30, 2008 · 5:41 am

kerry’s not just a democratic partier.

Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.

Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:

“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”

These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.

So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?

The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)

So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.

And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 8:09 pm

just six words and a picture.

The Katie Jane Tracy 22nd birthday edition!

You’re worth more than 1,000 words.

Happy birthday, KTray. One more thing:

[Posted with love from Kathleen and Mallory]

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