Author Archives: K

by | June 19, 2008 · 7:12 pm

dead guy over you? that sucks.

So a village in Romania re-elected their dead mayor over a new guy. By a landslide of 23 decisive votes. Really not much to say about that, except that the loser must feel like the friggin’ village idiot.

“I know he died, but I don’t want change,” one astute voter said. You and me both, buddy. People are calling for a re-vote with a new (hopefully conscious and, at the very least, breathing) candidate. Watch out for the hanging chads, people! We all know what happened here in America! For all you political nerds out there, don’t lose track of this race, it’s shaping up to be a good one.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 2:26 pm

dancing with the star wars stars.

Eek. This is not a joke.

It might be slightly painful, but stick it out. If only to hear the ridiculous comments the hosts make. Ex- “I didn’t realize plastic could look that good!” Also, it’s one of the most watched videos online right now.

And by the way, this competition was totally rigged. If I were the other dancers I’d go all Luke Jedi knight and use the force on their asses.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 5:46 am

john mccain is no james mcavoy.

As a full time blogger (read: unemployed and uninsured, so going out into the real world poses a threat to my health. I could get hurt!), it is my responsibility to creep around the internet at 4 a.m. looking for inspiration.

I stumbled across a video about silly, ornery, old John McCain. Apparently, he called his wife a c-c-c-c-c-cunt. I have trouble even typing it. Did Cindy McCain do something so terrible? Nope. She jokingly told him that he was balding. Um, hello, J? When you’re 300 years old, you’re bound to bald. Here is what he said to her:

“At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.”

Wowie! So we know how he really feels. John and Cindy 4eva! I don’t particularly like Cindy McCain, but I would never call her that. I would call her a Stepford Wife, recipe-stealing, identity-stealing recovering drug addict, home-wrecking other woman, but never a cunt. That is NEVER okay. His excuse? He was tired. Um, fine. But as Wonkette pointed out, he’s going to be tired a lot if he becomes president.

The only time I have ever not been offended at all by the word was with James McAvoy and the infamous typewriter scene in Atonement. (Which incidentally, led to the infamous library scene. Rawr!) And even then, as he was typing, my mind kept wondering…Is he really going to type that? Looks like it, but they wouldn’t…oh no! OH MY GOD. HE DID! And for the record-James McAvoy, you can call me anything you’d like.

But I digress.

Barack gets called out for calling a reporter “sweetie”, which, he admits, is a bad habit. At least it’s a casual term of endearment. But nobody calls McCain out for being a complete cotton-headed-ninny-muggins (the worst insult among Santa’s elves, duh) to his wife. Why? I think this video does a really good job at explaining it:

What are your thoughts, you cunts? Did I say that? It’s late, I must be tired.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 3:38 am

nerd alert: accepted to all ivies.

I’ve got one thing to say to this guy: FREAK.

He moved from Poland just 5 years ago. But whatever, kid. You might have gotten into the entire Ivy League and a million other good schools (for sure the University of Richmond, heyyyyy) but this doesn’t change the fact that your name (Lukasz Zbylut) is going to get butchered by every professor you meet- just like the rest of us!

I also suffer from post-college depression and am taking it out on this defenseless, but brilliant, child. Do not judge me.

PS- He chose Harvard.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 18, 2008 · 4:24 pm

bikes, boobs and a hemp g-string.

Oregonian (Oregonite? Oregonese?) woman Jen Moss is pissed because people just don’t understand her need to bicycle around topless and are prohibiting her from riding in the Fourth of July parade. According to the AP, Moss is known for riding her bike “free and independent of all clothing but a hemp G-string”. In fact, she’s known as “The Naked Lady”.

I get the naked part (let the girls get some air), but the hemp G-string sounds questionable at best. You know, back in the day aka 8th grade, I was quite good at making hemp necklaces with cool beads and whatnot. I gave them as gifts to my friends. Maybe now since our tastes have matured, I can make them all hemp G-strings with cute little beads! AHHH! But back to business.

The Ashland Chamber of Commerce is in a battle right now over this. In Moss’ application she said she wants to lead a group of rollerbladers in her hemp booty floss, “blowing a conch shell.” Blowing what wearing what? Errr… Whatev, she sounds like an inspirational leader (those rollerbladers are bound to follow her, along with every creepy man within 50 miles) and America is all about leadership!

Clearly she is a great patriot and loves America. Come on people, it’s the Fourth of July. It’s not like your children haven’t seen boobs before. Let Jen parade!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 18, 2008 · 2:39 am

baby you should always walk tall.

Hooker heels for babies? Ha! What will they think of next? I’m currently trying to think of a play on the phrase “baby mama”, but nothing good comes to mind that doesn’t make me feel pervy and like I need to go to confession for just being a bad person. (Catholic guilt will always get you). I could never put a baby in something slutty, but this soulless, pagan, oh-so-cleverly called Heelarious, company has no problem with it. Here is what they have to say for themselves:

“WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).”

The nerve! Clearly, people are screaming left and right about children being pressured to get sexier at a younger age. Hey Miley, good job fueling that fire! You crazy kid!

I say, what the hell, I could have used the practice. That’s a joke people, but then again, so are these heels and I get that. Calm down and don’t get your diapers in a twist.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 18, 2008 · 1:48 am

cyd, i wanted to be you.

Not to get too serious, but I wanted to take a break from politics to comment on the passing of Hollywood dancer Cyd Charisse today. Singin’ in the Rain is one of my all-time favorite movies, and she is one of my all-time favorite dancers. Old movie musicals are not everyone’s thing, (my roommate informed me of this quite frequently when she’d come home to find me sitting in the room alone, in pajamas and glasses, eating a tub of frosting and watching one) but talent is talent, and it must be recognized. She was known for her impeccable grace, elegant movements and top notch legs. I can remember watching her in movies and just wishing I could be that good. Come to think of it, she may have been my first girl crush.

And not to sound like my grandma reminiscing about the old days, but we don’t have the same appreciation for the arts as we used to. When Lil’ Mama (of America’s Best Dance Crew) is seen as a legitimate dancer and one deemed to judge other dancers, we might have a problem.

Cyd, thanks for the inspiration. I’ll close with a great quote from Fred Astaire:

“That Cyd — when you’ve danced with her, you stay danced with.”

Watch her elegance in this one:

Watch her legs (so jealous) in this one:

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 16, 2008 · 9:25 pm

hey al, it’s about friggin’ time.

To celebrate Al Gore’s official endorsement of Barack, I will use the internet (his invention) for the rest of my life.

This man is truly the superstar of the Democratic Party. Think about it, before the big O, he was the last solid candidate the Democrats put up. He could have disappeared after his loss…okay, so he put on some weight and grew a beard…but instead he went on to write books, save the world and win an Oscar and a Nobel. Snaps to you, Al!

PS- Al Gore inventing the internet jokes will never get old.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 16, 2008 · 5:12 pm

yo, want 2 swing dance 2nite?

Everyone loves a good “how we met” story. You know, the kind that makes movies like Must Love Dogs (uggh, it kills me to think that I’ll never get those two hours of my life back) seem normal. I love it when my parents tell theirs. If you have ever read wedding announcements/seen 27 Dresses or care about that sort of stuff at all, you know the “how we met” story is the icing on the wedding cake.

But with all of the chick flicks out there to let us know how it should be, you know when a “how we met” story is really bad.

Ex- “Well, I was at one end of the bar and he was at the other. After all of his friends had tried with me, I finally agreed when he asked to buy me a drink because he seemed like the nicest and I wanted to have enough money left over for a cab. We ended up making out at the bar and he Facebooked me later that night.”

Here is my favorite though-this one truly takes the, err, wedding cake. An old friend recently got engaged. Out of pure obligation and a touch of nosiness, one of my BFFLs (LYLAS) asked his fiancée how they met. To this the fiancée responded:

“We met on MySpace. You got a problem with that?”

YES, I DO. But that’s because I hate MySpace with the passion of 18 million angry Hillary voters.

Obviously this girl was on the defensive. She knew that her story was anything but cute. She knows how it is perceived, so she lied to her parents. She told her parents they met swing dancing. SWING DANCING. Yup. Just off the top of my head, I can name a few trillion things more believable and plausible than that. But this brings to mind the question: where do you go to meet someone swing dancing? Plus, I don’t know many single dudes that would go to a swing dancing event. But whatev. If that’s the fantasy she wants, let her have it.

When we spend most of our time online and plugged in, it’s no shock (sadly) that it becomes the dating arena. The biggest step you need to make is Facebooking them. From their Facebook you can get a phone number. And then, you can send a text: hey what r u doing tonight.

I don’t condemn it, but I don’t like it. I will condemn it, however, if it has anything to do with MySpace. Is your engagement photo going to be a longarm style black and white pouty face with added sparkles? If that happens to you, lie to me. Because deep down I still have faith that true “how we met” stories can be cute. I, of course, expect to meet the love of my life at a political rally, realize we love the same Disney movies and old movie musicals, talk about Barack, eat lots of ice cream and live happily ever after. But that’s just me.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 13, 2008 · 2:13 pm

i’ve got a crush on obama.

I am completely and utterly Barackupied. Those who know me know this. I received more phone calls and texts when Obama secured the Democratic nomination than I did on my birthday. And that is totally okay with me.

When you’re extremely involved in politics, you feel like you are on a first name basis with your candidate. It’s almost as if you are dating. But not, because that’s real creepy.

It still has many traits of a real relationship though:

Your friends begin to wonder where you are.
Ex-“Where is she? She said she was going to be here! Oh that’s right, she’s with HIM again.”

You are smitten. And when you are with your friends, you can find little else to talk about. You keep going until you see them roll their eyes. And even then, it’s hard to stop.
Ex-“Do you know what Barack did today? He gave hope to the entire world and then cured cancer! Isn’t he just so great?!”

You stalk him on Facebook and Google his name. When he loses, you feel like a loser. And when he wins, you feel like the wind beneath his wings. Cue the music.

You get mad at him when he messes up. It’s all you can think about and you’re embarrassed to tell your friends because you want them to like him. But word travels fast and they call you up to see how you’re doing. You scream at him via CNN, “WHY, OH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?”

But you stand by your man. Then he does something so wonderful (like this) that you forget all about the pettiness and minor slip ups, and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place-the right stance on the issues that matter to you and the ability to really make a difference and really change the world.

I was furious when this came out because this was TOTALLY my idea. But I’m okay with it now.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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