So my friends all know that I’m nature girl–yeah, it’s weird. My envrionmentally friendly mom put me in a lot of nature classes growing up. What of it? NATUUUUUUUUUURE! GOULET!
Knowing that I LOVE nature, imagine my reaction when I saw this headline, and this picture:
Giant spider snapped eating bird in backyard near Cairns
Yup. I freaked the eff out. This will no doubt appear in my nightmares.
Despite my fear of spiders, I went to a school where the mascot was a spider. SPIDERS EVERYWHERE ON EVERYTHING. AHHH. Yes, I am a proud Richmond Spider. And devastated that I will not be able to make it to Homecoming this weekend. Miss me. GO SPIDERS! (But only the nice ones. That go to Richmond.)
I’ve been neglecting the blog for a few days, but there have been several NY Times articles that I’ve wanted to post about. Let’s just do a roundup of the best ones:
It’s insulting — and unhealthy — to call elderly people by demeaning terms like “sweetie” and “dear.” Stick to the traditional, factual labels like “John McCain.” [NY Times]
An a cappella group from Indiana University has been reunited after ten years to sign a five-album record deal with Atlantic Records. Craig Killman, the chairman and chief executive of Atlantic, discovered the group on YouTube and smelled potential. The group, called Straight No Chaser, will be coming out with a holiday album at the end of October, and they may be touring with headliners like Josh Groban and Michael Bublé. Not too shabby for a group of guys who thought they’d never sing again. I’m not one of those ex-coeds who is obsessed with a cappella, I swear, but this story is worth reading. [NY Times]
Seriously, WHY ON EARTH would it be a bad thing for our president to be “elite”? I want my president to be about a million times smarter than me. I tend to have mixed feelings about Maureen Dowd, but she had a great column a few days ago. This paragraph alone is pure snarky genius: “Darn right. And that, doggone it, brings us to a shout-out for the latest virtuoso of Frontier Baroque, bless her heart, the governor of the Last Frontier. Her reward’s in heaven.” You betcha. [NY Times]
And a few days ago, this was the “On This Day in History” thinger at the end of my daily headlines: “On October 5, 1947, in the first televised White House address, President Truman asked Americans to refrain from eating meat on Tuesdays and poultry on Thursdays to help stockpile grain for starving people in Europe.” I’m not going to pretend to know a lot about anything, really, but there are still lots of starving people in the world, and still a lot of livestock in America that eat shit tons of grain each day. Basically, people around the world starve because we think it’s more of a priority to feed animals that we can slaughter and eat. Yes, I know it’s not quite that simple, but it’s worth thinking about. (And no, I’m not a vegetarian, but I’ve cut back my meat-eating by about 75% in the past month.) Just take a look at this fact from the 2004 book The New Consumers, by Norman Myers and Jennifer Kent: “If each American cut his or her meat consumption by just 5% (roughly the same as eating one less meat dish a week), that would save enough grain to make up the diets of 150 million malnourished people.” Chew on that one.
Evil Sarah Palin commanded her one of her bird minions to drop some shiz in the mouth of a liberal “gotcha” mainstream media reporter. Hilarity ensues.
Sarah and her birdie friend:
If I can make a Disney reference, I’m going to…alright?
Former minor league baseball player and “actor” Joseph Petcka killed his girlfriend’s cat. (His girlfriend, well let me make an assumption and say EX-girlfriend, is Sports Illustrated writer Lisa Altobelli.) Why would anyone do that? Well according to court papers, he yelled “You love that cat more than me!”. Whoa. That is absolutely pathetic on his part. And then he kicked poor Norman the cat to death. The terrible story should end there, but it doesn’t. Today is the start of Petcka’s trial and here is what he says. Killing 7 lb. Norman was–and I am not making this up–self defense. Norman was apparently biting him. Wahhhh wahhhh, Joseph. Grow a pair and then grow up. You aren’t a man, you’re a monster.
According to a recent study, I could place the blame on Law and Order and all 17 of its spin-offs for the fact that I eat a lot. I’m not kidding. Law and Order, and other crime shows, apparently makes us eat a lot. I am an avid Law and Order fan–uh oh.
In the study, titled “The Sweet Escape,” researchers conducted four experiments revealing that “consumers who have been recently reminded of their own impending mortality” spend more on groceries — and actually eat more of those groceries.
Oooh, clever title. Anyway, Law and Order and others are the catalysts for reminding us of our own impending mortality? What? Whatev.
“We found that when people think about the fact that they’re going to die someday — not now, but someday — they want to consume more of everything,” says Naomi Mandel, co-author of the study and an associate professor of marketing at Arizona State University. “We find this with snacks and drinks but also all kinds of different foods: frozen foods, meats, vegetables, everything.”
And they connect this to Law and Order. I can’t believe they spent money on this study. I have, in my opinion, a better theory to explain the connection between snacking and Law and Order. None of this “impending death” mumbo jumbo.
Let’s look back to the experiments of scientist Ivan Pavlov. He is known for his work with dogs, making them salivate at the sound of a bell. Basically, it has to do with mental association. He would ring a bell and give the dogs food. Eventually, they would salivate at the sound of the bell with or without food present.
People like to snack when watching TV, right? So swap out a bell for the signature Law and Order gavel DunDun noise and take away the food…voila! We have been trained liked Pavlov’s dogs to feel hungry while watching Law and Order. And being that Law and Order is on 22 out of the 24 hours in a day, this training does not take long to do. Really, all it takes is one week of being sick and watching TV all day every day, or just a few weeks of watching one or two episodes a night.
That, my friends, is why we eat when we watch Law and Order. That is why Law and Order makes us fat.
Just for fun, here is Sesame Street’s parody of Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Special Letters Unit.
Oh, and just because The Office is the BEST SHOW EVER and Jim is dreamy, dreamy, oh so steamy and smart, here is his Pavlov’s dogs trick on Dwight:
Well, not exactly. But even if they did, a poodle would have more experience than Sarah Palin. SNAP.
Here’s the real story. Barack and Michelle promised precious Malia and Sasha that after the election they would get a puppy. Aww! So the American Kennel Club held an election–42,000 people voted–to see what breed should be the presidential pup. And the poodle won. Apparently the Obamas have allergies (just like my family! Talk about identity politics…), so that helped narrow down the breeds to choose from. I’ve been following this story for awhile, because the Chinese Crested Hairless was one of the options. For those who know me or have read the blog before, I am the proud owner of a hairless dog. My baby boy, Dr. Seuss, is perfect. Look how cute Chinese Crested puppies are:
Yeah, you want one too. PUT BARACK OBAMA AND A CHINESE CRESTED IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
Oh, and they didn’t hold an election for a pet for old Johnny. This is because he and Cindy already have–I am not making this up–24 pets. So that’s 3.4285714 pets per house?
six words to change the world. 